I thank God whom I serve…with a clear conscience. (II Timothy 1:3)
Paul says he has served with a clear conscience–presumably since he was saved and forgiven of his past. But if one doesn’t know one’s calling how can one serve whole-heartedly? How can one have a clear conscience when you wonder if you’ve missed something, if you are supposed to be doing or saying more. That leaves turmoil and anxiety in my inner being that shouldn’t be there, that is harmful to me. I know the enemy stirs that up but since I don’t know what my specific calling or ministry is how do I address that? I want to freely serve You without these impediments. I don’t doubt You, Lord. I doubt me. Am I listening? Am I double-minded?
I am in that jungle again, Lord…I feel stuck. I know I need to move to the right but I seem immobile. Then You part the jungle to my right as one does a curtain. You do even that so I can move into the glade with You. You are so kind, Lord. Thank You. I love You.
“Walk around the pool. The path continues around behind the waterfall.”
There is a lot of noise behind the waterfall and most of my sight is blocked. Then I walk around the other side of the pool. It is a different perspective than what I usually see though the place is the same. I am aware of civilization just beyond my sight behind me.
“Climb over the rocks and back down to Me.”
I am with You, calmer, but still sad, questioning, not knowing.
“The journey around the pool is much like your life. You are on a path, one I set you on. You went around the reflecting pool, past the bridge over the pool. You followed My directions even when you passed behind the waterfall. Sometimes the noise and difficulties of life make it hard to see Me or hear My voice, except in your spirit, especially when you do not pause to reflect and take time with Me. But the water did not overflow you because you stayed on My path. Your mind was set on getting back to Me. You went around the other side of the pool and were aware the world was just beyond you and I seemed farther away. You avoided the snare of the world and kept your focus on Me. You had to climb some rocks, stumbling blocks, that may have hidden me from your sight briefly, but you kept your eyes on the prize, rejoining Me. Now you stand beside Me again. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Lay your head on Me. Rest in Me. Let My love surround you. You are sealed to Me. Every journey is different. Some may need to pass through the waters or have mountains not boulders to climb. Some cross wastelands or meet wild animals.
“If your focus is hearing My voice, getting back to Me, following My directions, when you return to Me you will have run the race and followed the path I set before you from the beginning. Don’t compare yourself to others. All ministries and callings are not the same. Is Noval’s little cousin Emmy’s calling any less than My servant Paul’s? Nor is yours. The callings are different. The lives are different. The challenges are different. The people ministered to are different. There is one Lord, one Spirit, one hope, and one plan that is Mine. Walk closely with Me. Set your eyes on Me. Come apart and hear the desires of My heart and then when you look down into the reflecting pool, the image that looks back at you, the image the world sees is mine.”
And so dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven’s Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By His death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God’s house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting Him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to made us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise. (Hebrews 10:19-23)